talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
