If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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