i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
