I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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