So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
