turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize