i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
