Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
