Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
