My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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