So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
