Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
