my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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