So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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