she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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