you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
