if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
