For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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