This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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