i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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