why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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