They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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