He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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