My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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