I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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