we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
