Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
