every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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