i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
