wat bout pragnant strippers??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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