it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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