the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The beer is more important than you right now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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