areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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