Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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