oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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