First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
