someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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