Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
