Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
