he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
