just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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