Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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