hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
These tits shall not be calmed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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