you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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