The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
