i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
