i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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