Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
