She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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