I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
