the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
