the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
