No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
