i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
