why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
