Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
