Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
