Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
