is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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