I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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