I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
