Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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