How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please, let me fuck your mom
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
