ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
