Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
