yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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