from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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