i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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