proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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