don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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